Thanks for stumbling upon this spectacular article! Let’s talk about the things we have done at one point or another-that we need to stop doing. Why? Because deep down we all have a desire to connect with people, be loved, and give love. I believe that these “stops” can get in the way of some of that.
I do have a disclaimer here.. If you get a little defensive reading any of this; that may be because it hits close to home. I encourage you to read this with an open mind and a desire to always be the best YOU that you can be.
1) Stop letting shame steal your joy
Shame can come in many shapes and sizes. It could be from something you did or said, or it could be from another person and how they treat you. We naturally hide from shame; but shame steals our joy.
Action: When you feel that shame creep in, talking to someone about it lessens the feeling and helps us move forward. If you don’t have anyone to talk to you can write it out.
2) Stop being a victim
I’m not talking about someone who has been harmed.. I’m talking about the mindset that you are always being wronged; nothing ever goes right or someone is always doing something wrong to you. Bad things are not always happening to you. However, if you see the world with that framework, it sure will seem like it.
Action: One of the best ways to see that the world isn’t against you is to practice gratitude. Each morning start the day thinking of at least one thing you are grateful for. Gratitude is a flashlight. It allows us to see the blessings even amidst trial and darkness. Also, I triple-dog-dare you to do one random act of kindness daily. Seriously, that will change your life!
3) Stop being mean
Yep. Stop being mean to yourself and others. Do you say mean things to yourself in your head? Do you scroll social media and feel a need to tell people “how you really feel”? Do you get irritated when you hear AGAIN about a friend’s “fabulous” life?
Action: Change the script. When you go to tell yourself that you never do anything right, or that no body loves you, or that you are ugly and fat; instead say, “I feel like I don’t do anything right, but I know that’s not true- I’m just frustrated at the moment.” Or, “I feel very alone but I know that I’m not, I know that there are people that love me.” We need to practice empathy with ourselves and others. When interacting with others don’t lose sight of the fact that we are all human, and it’s okay to take a step back and see the humanity in people around us.
4) Stop sabotaging your success
Listen, failure is not an option. Did you know that to many people the idea of succeeding is scarier than failing? Why? Because often times we know what failure would look like but success seems so unknown and out of reach.
Action: Take speed bumps as a way to re-evaluate your overall goal. Picture what success would actually look like to make it more obtainable. I talk about overcoming challenges in one of the most well-known motivational blog posts; 4 Things to do When on the Motivation Struggle Bus.
5) Stop surrounding yourself with people who don’t value you
You deserve to be a priority, not an option. However, did you know that we teach people how to treat us? Yes. We do. We have a responsibility to set healthy limits and boundaries with people.
Action: If someone is insulting you, you either can let them know you won’t continue a conversation if they choose to speak to you that way, or just end the conversation and remove yourself. People don’t change unless they are uncomfortable. If we always just hope they will change, we will be disappointed. Setting limits is a way to truly show love because it shows that you value yourself and how you are treated. If the people you surround yourself with don’t lift you up, they aren’t your people. Have you ever heard of the “crabs in a barrel” analogy? Basically if you put a ton of crabs in a barrel, they will try to crawl out but at the same time pull down other crabs trying to crawl out… If you are trying to better yourself and people around you are acting like those crabs; get away from those people! Think of how exhausting it would be to continually try to climb but constantly be pulled back.
6) Stop being afraid
You can either live your life to the fullest, or live a life of mediocrity.. What that means is that life will keep on going while you are waiting. Have you always wanted to do something but keep telling yourself to wait until.. (I lose weight, I’m happy, I find someone I love, I have money…).
Action: One of my favorite quotes is from Shakespeare, “Fortune and Love Favors the Bold.” This very quote is how my husband and I met. If we didn’t take risks, we would not be together today. Stop waiting and figure out how to do it now. If you set your eyes and heart on something, you will find a way.
7) Stop trying to be perfect
It’s okay if you messed up, had a bad day, have a messy house, ate a whole pizza… Also, feeling sad, lonely, disappointed, afraid are real emotions. Life happens. We feel. Sometimes we pretend. I have this amazing skill. I can see when people are wearing a mask. It breaks my heart. It tells me they are hiding from themselves.
Action: Practice authenticity by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The gift of authenticity is one of the most valuable things. People want to connect and get closer to authentic people. Authenticity opens ourselves up to success, humility, and empathy.
Some of these “stops” may have hit home. I really encourage you to make yourself a priority if you aren’t already doing so. If I talked about things that you already know and practice; I encourage you to share this article with others because you never know who needs to hear it today.