Health, Reading

Stop the Llama Drama

 

I just like using the word “llama” with something…

Today I want to talk about what we do with our headspace. One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, talks about how people connect. Connections can be formed from supporting one another to overcome a challenge or built from people bonding over a “common negative”.

What’s a “common negative”? Basically, when we can complain about the same thing, we feel a connection, feel heard. However, Brene Brown also discusses how that common negative only creates a surface level connection, and more often than not any relationship built on the common negative lacks depth.

Wow. How many times have we been in an environment where there was a complaint- and then everyone else jumped on it and started complaining as well and it built up to a toxic, chaotic, character assassination, emotional roller coaster? Look at our politics- or social media.. it’s everywhere.

If I were to make a post on social media, complaining that a grocery store clerk gave me an attitude and shoved my bags of groceries into the cart too forcefully… I would bet that I would find people rallying with me on how untrained, rude, and incompetent these grocery store clerks are. This is not to say that a real experience doesn’t warrant sticking up for yourself, someone else or stating facts; but when is it healthy and when is it toxic? When is it value added for good change and support versus when is it just a bunch of hot air, drama, and gossip?

I’ve had a few experiences lately where I’ve seen people I thought I had built a connection with, turn out to be “fair weather” friends. I’m grateful for this. A “fair weather” friend is one who is surface level and only maintains a friendship for an event or period of time. The connection lacks depth.

I have also had a few experiences lately where people who I thought were nice acquaintances reveal that they are loyal, steadfast friends. I think the difference is headspace.

When I look at the fair weather friend individuals I see that most of our interactions were “complaining” (both me and them). Conversations did not expand beyond the “complaint” and we really didn’t know much about one another.

The loyal, steadfast friends are different. We may share complaints, but we also share vulnerability. We are transparent. We challenge one another. We support and lift one another up- and it isn’t one sided. For example, if I say to the loyal friend, “I can’t stand when people cut me off in traffic.” They may respond, “Traffic was horrible today. Maybe they didn’t mean to cut you off.” See. Balance. Or they may respond, “Ugh that sucks. I hate when people do that too. So how was your workout today?” Supportive, shared a common negative but then moved on.

If you have gotten this far in reading, my message that I want to share is this: what kind of individual are you? Are you the fair weather friend? The loyal, steadfast one? Are you both- a fair weather to some and a loyal, steadfast to others? What we do with our time and our headspace matters. Where we put our energy matters. In my journey to self-discovery I am learning that oftentimes my energy has not been directed to the right place. I have a responsibility to look at what I say, how I say it, how I think about it, who I’m interacting with, and how.

‘Cause we don’t need no llama drama.. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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27 thoughts on “Stop the Llama Drama”

  1. You know the type of friend I am and I LOATHE llama drama! Take the time you need to focus on yourself and your family, we’ll be here when you return. Love you!!!

  2. Love our post, and it’s so timely. I, too have had some experiences lately where I was wrong about the level of friendship I had with a few people and although sad, I have come to realize that letting them go just makes more room for people who are real friends 🙂

    1. Yes! Maybe it isn’t personal, right? I know I have also been the “fair weather” friend… but I strive to be the loyal, steadfast one. Letting go is so important because where we direct our energy matters.

  3. Great insights! I wish there was enough time (and energy) in the day to invest in every relationship to the loyal, steadfast friend level. But I can often sense where a friendship is headed, whether towards a deep friendship or just a friendly acquaintance. And even still, this ebbs and flows with every season of life.

  4. Some people LOVE drama. Some people feel life is boring and they need to spice it up, so they stir things up to amuse themselves. Other people feel no power in life and therefore need to exert power in silly, over-dramatized ways. TBH I love the way you wrote the post..

  5. first I love the title and the photo! I travel a lot so making friends is easy but developing a lasting friendship is challenging! but I guess it is quality over quantity at the end of the day!

  6. I’m at that point where I try to avoid negative people and complainers. What an astute observation about “common negatives” , I’ll definitely be more aware of this when I have conversations with people from now on.

  7. I would love to read more about llama drama. I was so excited to read about llamas that the switch to a read that starts off referring to the beloved Brenee Brown was a shocker but informative nonetheless.

  8. I’m a loyal friend to those who show loyalty. I don’t want to waste my precious time and life getting emotional over anyone who doesn’t deserve it.

  9. before I’ am that kind of person who a lots a drama Lol! but it doesn’t help me out. I’ll try to ignore things and live my life better. HAHAHHA I think I am matured enough.

  10. I don’t like drama queens, unfortunately most of friends are in drama. They are only for their needs rest they will come up with some drama so that you don’t them near you. By the way like the quote on your shirt.

    1. Thank you ❤️
      I have found that the people in my life who are more pulled to drama- I emotionally distance so it doesn’t impact my own wellness. It can be tough though!

  11. I agree. The people I thought were my friends I realized were not. All we talked about were negative things and nothing positive. I’m more at peace now that they are gone

  12. This is such a great post! I am a friend that am there when you need me. I really loved the quote you used as well. Thanks for sharing!

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