I wrote this in July 2015… a year and a half after leaving my ex-husband. It took a few years to heal from the dark place I was in.. and writing helped me heal.
__________________
You said those words, and they came true
You said no one would love me if I left you
As time wore on, and people drew near
The closer they would come, the quicker they withdrew in fear
I want my freedom, I beg, please let me go
Please rid me of this curse, the one you bestowed
The burden I carry, it’s weight is too much to bear
I’m so alone here, my voice echoes in the hallways and stairs
I will never come back to you, that won’t be the end
So please, please, let someone love me again.
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that was beautiful – I felt how you were in a place that your fears put you and you had to make a choice to fight or fear still…and in the face of possibly never being loved, you still chose to fight. One thought for my heart, if I may…that last line, a tear jerker. At first, ,it resonated with me, but then the intensity you created in the preceding lines rose up in me saying “no! no one is gonna control if I’m loved or not – but me! “if” – there is no “if.” Love yourself – because doing what you did IS loving you. Love does what is tough, never what is easy, and the pain lasts for a moment, but the sweet follows quickly after the bitter. Loving yourself means walking out what your reality is – and that is in God. (my unwanted opinion?? – here it is) – as women, we are first betrothed to Christ, our Bridegroom. He is before and above any other person. And thus, should any person desire to win your hand, you should be so hidden in Christ, so committed and wholly His, that – to win you – he must lose his life completely, for only then can he hope to find it there in Jesus – and in sodoing – will find you there, too. <3 A side note… before James and I married, I came to faith before he did. And I refused to marry him until he also followed Christ. But I wanted a ring still. So I picked one out as a reward for weight loss and it was simple but beautiful – I'll see if I can find a link to send you, it's been a few years haha. It was inscribed with Song of Solomon "I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine." And I wore it on my wedding finger. What a testimony I had to all who asked about it. and When I married, I held onto it, and prayed God would bring the person I was to give it to, to carry it on. And He did! That ring, that visible symbol of the intimacy between my Savior and I and His love gave me so many opportunities to speak hope from my ashes, and joy abounding where before I'd only felt sorrow.
Thank you Holli for your amazing words ❤️❤️❤️